Happy Holidays

Aah, Christmas-Size Toblerone and his "Mini-Me"

In my world there are "candy holidays" and "liquor holidays." Easter, St. Valentines Day, Hanukkah; candy holidays. New Years' Eve, St. Patrick's Day, Independence Day; liquor holidays. Halloween-"bonus holiday"-best of both worlds! I define a holiday as a candy holiday if there is a dedicated candy that corresponds to that day. Until I see a foil-wrapped Liberty Bell, we will just have to continue to mix M80s and Miller on Independence Day. Christmas is special because it has both unique candy (I'm looking at you 14.1 oz Toblerone) and alcoholic drinks associated with it. Foil wrapped Coins of the World washed down with a bit of Christmas Eve champagne? Yes, please! Christmas breakfast consisting solely of a foot-long peppermint stick and a mug of 'nog? Don't mind if I do. Celebrate the birth of our Lord by consuming copious amounts of sugar and alcohol! Feliz Navidad!

Here's a recipe for Candied Cherries in Vanilla Brandy to start you on your way:
Prick the skins of 1 1/2 pounds of cherries with a fine skewer. Heat 1 1/2 cups sugar with 1/2 cup each of brandy and water in a pan, stirring until all the sugar has dissolved. Add the cherries and a vanilla bean and heat until boiling. Place the cherries and syrup in a heatproof, warmed, sterilized jar; seal while hot and invert for 2 minutes. Store in a cool place for 6 weeks, turning every couple of days for the first 2 weeks. Serve the cherries in the liqueur on their own or over vanilla ice cream. Refrigerate after opening. Fills a 32 oz jar.

When Marketing Goes Horribly Wrong

One of the great pleasures in life is discount shopping-one of the many truths the universe has revealed to me that that retail is for suckers. Today I was perusing the local Ross, looking for gloves, pillows, knee socks, and a cookie sheet. So of course my cart was loaded up with dishes, candles, towels and lots of other junk I didn't need when I saw it; Hummer Body Wash. Two thoughts came to mind:

1. there's no way that even the most creative person riffing on the absurdity of contemporary American culture would be able to think this one up and
2. Oh, jeez, the blog is back up and running tonight!!

Most of you could probably guess how I feel about Hummers and the people who drive them, but if there is any doubt in your mind about what I think, here it is. I think they're (both the vehicle and its operator) stupid. The fact that a person thinks they need to drive a civilian version of a COMBAT vehicle is just completely mental. And I can hear you out there right now; "Well, what about a Jeep, Miss Smarty Pants?" Well, kiddos, different war, different rules. You look cool in a Jeep, you look like a tool in a Hummer, especially the yellow ones. Also, a Jeep doesn't take a month's rent to gas up. One of my (un)lucky friends will find the scent of hot rubber and desperation in his stocking this year in place of the lump of coal. Maybe I will just save it for the Old Town White Elephant gift giveaway. I think it would be a hit. Anyway, great to be back, ranting away.